Tidy, not perfect: a realistic approach to tidying with kids

Simple ways to keep your home tidy with kids - without losing your mind.

“Your house must be so clean and organized!”

This is the phrase I hear 90% of the time, after mentioning that I’m a professional organizer and Konmari Consultant.

Truth is, my house get messy on a daily basis. Particularly when three little people are home.

If you were to stop by on a Sunday afternoon, you might not believe I do this for a living.

I remember that in the past, the mess that came with my kids used to cause me quite a lot of anxiety and stress. Thankfully, I’ve learned to accept it by rewiring my mind around the mess, but also by creating a system that works for us.

Messiness means life and happiness

When faced with the overwhelm of a house turned upside down, its quite easy to forget that when having little ones at home, messiness often means that there’s life, joy and creativity in motion.

Homes will look lived-in while you are living  in them, while you are creating beautiful family memories. Not every second of every day is about tidying and keeping our space spotless. Particularly when there are kids in the mix.

Imagine how stressful it would be for kids — full of energy and fun — to create happy memories while constantly worrying about keeping everything spotless. 

Happy kids are noisy, energetic, creative, curious. All of this usually comes with some degree of messiness. Maybe it just means we are doing something right raising them.

Yes, its completely normal for life at home to get messy at homes, its also important to take advantage of the mess, to teach kids some discipline and basic life skills from a young age.

A normal Sunday at Cintia’s

I picked Sunday, because Sundays are the days the kids are home the longest; ie: the day of the week things get the most chaotic.

This is my home on a normal Sunday morning, It’s nothing fancy, but its peaceful, simple and there’s a sense of harmony… 

The home we wake up to on Sunday mornings

If we fast forward just a few hours, this is what this same spot will turn into. Still not fancy, but definitely less peaceful.. It is  messy, but it’s a controlled chaos.

Playtime means mess time!

Finally, this is our home at the end of the day and the weekend. As you can see, its back to what I like to call our home’s SOP. 

Peace is restored!

The point I’m trying to make, is that its easier to stay calm and joyful among the chaos when you know its controlled - when you know there is a system in place to reset it in no time. Particularly when you know you won’t be working solo!

Designing a system (Or training your kids)

I know, I know… tidying with kids is so very tiresome (physically, mentally and spiritually). Its so much easier and faster to just do it alone.

But please bear with me when I say, that this time spent training them is such  a good investment in the long term. I would go as far as saying it might save your sanity, and will turn your little ones into capable, responsible adults.

It’s an ongoing process. There’s no time frame. But after a few days, it becomes so much easier and they will become part of your clean and reset crew faster than you think!

These are the steps we took:

1. Start with the easiest test.

Find one task you believe your child can manage. Something fast and easy. Something they won’t “mind” too much. Any small task, like wiping the table, or dusting a bookshelf will work, What they do at this point isn’t really important. The important thing is that they can do it consistently.

2. Set a routine

Now that each kid has a small task they can manage, its time to set a routine. A routine tells the little one that “at this time of the day, the house is put back together, and my job is to do X. It’s not really so much about helping out at this point, its about getting them used to “being a part of the cleanup”

3. Build up slowly.

Once the routing is set, its time to slowly start “mini trainings”, slightly adding on to the repertoire of things they can collaborate. Its the time to build on their tidying and clean up skills.

4. Don’t forget the reward!

I don’t think we could have succeeded turning our kids into part of the daily clean up without rewards, and it wouldn’t have been so smooth. During our “initial training period”, we rewarded our kids for small tasks with high value treats.

The twist is, this wasn’t the classic do something right, and get a reward type of situation, it was more meaningful, and more effective.

The reward part, was more like: we all work together as a family or team to reset the house, now that the job is done, its time for all of us to relax together as a team and enjoy a treat together. 

It’s more like a small team celebration after a job well done. And those little moments bring a lot of joy for everyone involved.

How to put the system into practice.

When we started including the kids in turning down the house, we set the routine of doing it everyday after dinner. My oldest had the task of sweeping. My middle child’s job was to wipe the table. And the youngest one assisted us bringing the dishes back to the kitchen. That was all the did for a while. And slowly, we started adding small tasks, like dusting the bookcase, or putting things (everyone’s things) back where they belong.

Nowadays, even my four year old is capable of unloading the dishwasher. Not perfectly, but I think it’s a great start! My middle child is learning to clean glass and mirrors. And my oldest one sometimes volunteers to load the dishwasher.

I think the key was, that kids love being part of a team. And that is exactly what an overwhelmed parent needs!

Embracing the Mess and Building Lasting Memories

Kids aren’t the enemy of a tidy home- they can become your greatest allies. If you let them.

If you teach them to be part of your team today, they will also become capable and responsible adults tomorrow. That’s one of the biggest gifts you can give them.

These messy years of scattered toys, missing crayons and stepping on legos won’t last forever. They will be gone before you realize it. Soon enough the house will quiet down, the toys will be gone, and with them the mess. And who knows, we might miss the mess then. We will look back on the chaos with nostalgia and longing.

So, let’s embrace the mess — and its magic — while it’s here, knowing that the memories and skills we’re building today will last a lifetime.

How do you keep your home tidy with kids? Share your tips and tricks in the comments — we’re all in this together!